JUNE 2023: A Little Chaos, a Little Change
What the whirlwind of June has been, and my break from YouTube
It’s funny because what I craved was calm, but what I got was chaos.
The last months in Mexico were hard on me. Both with travel logistics and constant moving, but the online harassment as well just became too much. I was looking forward to coming back to Colorado to relax. To be in a familiar place. To not worry about moving around and packing my bags.
The dream: Sleep in the same bed. Do some exercise. Have a consistent schedule.
The reality: The dishwasher leaked while my mom was away, which ruined the floor. The ruined floor needed to be replaced, which led to an inspection, which led to asbestos abatement, which will eventually lead to new floors, new cabinets, and about 6 weeks of construction in the house. All coincidentally during the time I’m here. Because of this, I’ve been jumping around between various family friends’ homes, living out of a suitcase.
Also, my family was here for ten days, plus a visit from my good friend Art (@gringonation). So while it was great to see them, it was all full on every day- doing things, lots of driving, visiting friends.
I also got a job at a brewery for the summer, so I’ve been running around a lot, learning all about craft beer.
Being a person on the internet became too much. The barrage of comments on YouTube from probably deeply unhappy people, telling me I need therapy. Calling me I’m a gentrifier. Insulting me because I left Argentina. Insulting me because I made a video about money in Argentina, instead of discussing the wonderful things about Argentina. If you’re reading this it’s probably because you know I have made several videos about Argentina and how amazing it is. I guess some people don’t know how YouTube works.
But it all became too much. I started YouTube because I wanted to help people travel in a place that can be quite complicated. When I started getting awful comments, I was easily able to blow it off. I knew I was helping more people than not, so I ignored them. But after more than a year of these awful comments, increasing exponentially since my “Why I Left Argentina” video, the balance started to shift.
I spend hours and hours on one video- coming up with ideas, writing a script, filming, getting B-roll, editing, uploading, etc. It got to the point that I wondered what am I even doing? I’m spending so many hours of my life creating something for free to help other people, and all I’m getting in return is hate. It stopped feeling worth it.
I realized I started making decisions for my life based on YouTube rather than what I really wanted. I realized my priorities had changed. YouTube wasn’t just making me unhappy, it was making me miserable. I started getting anxious every time I looked at the comment section (I still do). I know you’re probably thinking I should just ignore the trolls. But when so much of your day is taken up by reading about what an awful person you are, it starts feeling a lot harder to just ignore it.
I don’t want to be a person on the internet for a while. I want interaction with real people. I want to make money without feeling the pressure of the constant ‘content creator’ hustle. I want a quiet life.
That’s not to say my YouTube journey is ending. It’s just taking a hiatus while I refocus. While I think about what I want. I’m still on Instagram though if you want to connect (@nickipostsstuff). I am also continuing with my blog. I do enjoy writing, and that is something I will be keeping up with.
I know the good people are out there, and I appreciate each one of you who has been on this journey with me, many from the beginning. Thank you so much, as always, for your support. I really honestly appreciate you.
Nicki